I really dislike what I’m becoming lately.
Not depressed these days, so much as just….I feel like I’m becoming some reclusive asshole.
I mean, I’m getting angered way too easily, and having these rapid mood swings that either go happy > yearning for social interaction > angry > wanting to be alone with like, nothing invoking said anger and sudden anti-socialness.
I also feel unable to communicate properly with people lately.
I mean, I love it when people come and vent to me, and when I’m able to help them, but I feel so…detatched lately.
Part of me wishes to be able to talk about it to someone who understands, while another part of me is bitterly doubting anyone COULD understand, and another part of me is so paranoid about accidently pissing a friend off and losing them.
The latter is something I’m especially paranoid of lately. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, and in turn, try to avoid talking to everyone.
I fear my stupidity will get the best of me in the midst of a joke, and I’ll accidently cross the line and offend someone I don’t want to offend.
And I totally feel like shit because I’m in no state to listen to anyones rants or vents because I’m barely keeping my own head as is
and it all just makes me feel shitty and alone. I feel like an idiot, all the time.
I’m a paranoid, stupid and selfish idiot who can’t help my friends because I am paranoid, stupid, and dumb and only wish to disappear…which makes me selfish.
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